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Q: Hi Laurie,

i like your site...i'm a young gay fella but never swallowed sperm and will be doing it this week and cant wait! is it best i just let it hit the back of the throat and swallow or collect it in mouth for the taste first? is there anything i can use to make it taste better? can i practice swallowing something to get used to it? once it's in my belly, does it get digested right away?

thanks :)   jamie

A: Dear Young Gay Fella-

So I'm assuming you shook your Magic 8 Ball recently and the message "you will be swallowing sperm next week" came up otherwise I'm having a heck of a time figuring how you not only know you will be engaging in sperm swallowing for the first time but you will be doing so next week! Well, never mind how you know-you will be putting a penis in your mouth next week and that is that. Bonjour!

YGF asks: "is it best i just let it hit the back of the throat and swallow or collect it in mouth for the taste first?"

"Is it best" as in best experience for you or for.the judges? For you-let that funk hit and flush as if you're trying to set a new world record. I've said it before and I'll say it again: according to me, sperm tastes like warm, 12-day-old cottage cheese and milk of magnesia with a top note of ammonia so, given that, best to keep the mouth swirl to a minimum. If, on the other hand, you're talking best for the judges.Well, I'm leaning toward the collect-it-in-the-mouth idea but for a real crowd pleaser may I suggest backing up a few feet and catching it reverse-fountain style? Talk about making a mother proud. Let me know how that works for you.next week, of course.

YGF asks: "is there anything i can use to make it taste better?"

Some answers are best illustrated with a story. I recently made something in my slow cooker. The recipe called for chicken, apricot preserves and thousand-island dressing aka how to make barf.slowly (I'm not sure what I was thinking). Then, I thought hey let's add other things fruity and creamy.oh and some spices.then I cooked it four hours and threw it out. What I'm trying to say is, no.

YGF asks: "can i practice swallowing something to get used to it?"

Well, that's an interesting type-A, overachiever, strong work-ethic question, very "be prepared"-quite Boy Scouty of you. I like that. Given the above mention of cottage cheese (sorry to sound like a broken record) you may want to buy some, set it out on the kitchen counter for say, oh, 12 days (direct sunlight is best). Strain it. Mix in Phillips Milk of Magnesia (1 part Mag to 2 parts simulated smeg) and then add half a capful of Clorox bleach and stir. Kampai!

YGF asks: once it's in my belly, does it get digested right away?

Given how important sperm figures in the scheme of things such as life and your next-week activities it may come as a great surprise if not a shock to learn that in spite of sperm's uber importance it does not receive preferential digestive treatment. In other words, sperm is digested in the order in which it is received which, if you are eager for digestion to begin, further supports my lobbying of hit-and-flush. Food for thought.

The Short Answer: Throat, no, sort of, yes. Enjoy!

Lovingly&logically yours,
Laurie