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Q: Dear Laurie,
hi my name is kelli my question is about my b/f Manny back in march Manny told me he's not in love with me anymore but we kept talking then last week he said its possible he doesn't love me but see he's in NYC and im in Idaho he calls me and im's me and when i say i love you to him he says i know. is it possible he's afraid of letting it show we went through some hard times last winter and i think he must have some feelings for me cause he tells me he wants to be with me and talks about future plans and even wants to come visit me in December im very confused any help would be great.
A: Hi "My Name is Kelli"-
Do you live on the second floor? Never mind. By the way, I have some leftover punctuation I'm not using so please feel free to take it next time you decide to write in.
Kelli, first problemo: this guy's not your boyfriend, he's not even your bf. Why? A) Manny told you he's not in love with you anymore which is the equivalent of giving his two-week notice. B) You live in Idaho.
Kelli writes: "is it possible he's afraid of letting it show (place question mark here) we went through some hard times last winter and i think he must have some feelings for me cause he tells me he wants to be with me and talks about future plans and even wants to come visit me in December period (gasp for air). I put this through my decoder ring and got: unequivocal ambivalence. I'm not a huge fan of ambivalence when it comes to love relationships. Possum pot pie or catfish for dinner? Polyester or pleather for the Sweet Potato Ball? All fine areas for ambivalence. Love? Not so fine. In fact, not fine at all. Yes, indeed, all relationships suffer their share of trials and the occasional tribulation, but ambivalence is the death nell. Who wants to be with someone who is luka warm on being with you. Everybody deserves better than that even those from Idaho.
I'm assuming (which means I can now make up whatever I want) since he relocated to NY he's feeling a little dislocated which is why he touches base with you, a fellow Idahoan from Planet Idaho. So he calls and instant messages you. Big whoop. What's he calling about? Stock reports? Because he's certainly not calling to tell you how much he loves you. As far as I know the fucker's calling to say, "I know." Ouch. So what's not computing my little Yamness?
The Short Answer: Why isn't my little earth apple reading the writing on the wall? Idaho Alaska (sorry, couldn't resist besides you're reading this for free so what do you want? Hey, buy my book.) Repeat after me: we do not run after men who tell us they are not in love with us. We just don't. So you shouldn't either. What do we do?
We make potato salad out of last year's crop of sprouting spuds.
Lovingly&logically yours, Laurie