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Q: Dear Laurie:
I have got married one year ago. I thought I was the most happy woman in the world, but... Now I understand that this is not happiness! Being engaged I could not imagine that there are another kind of happiness: to be free! Several months ago I've met another man, I do not love him but meeting with him becomes more and more pleasant for me. It is impossible for me, I think, to be with somebody, not to be alone and to be happy in the same time. What should I do in such a kind situation. Please, do not show my name on your side.
A: Marcia! Marcia! Marcia! (not her real name; copyright: The Brady Bunch) HOW OLD ARE YOU?! Sounds like girlfriend did not sow her oats OR eat her wheaties before tying le knot! Hmm? Eh? Do I not have it right on the moola? First, may I rant?
What do you people think this marriage thing is about? A temporary walk in the park? Something fun to do on a Friday night? A good way to get a guy on his knees? Geez!
Kay, done ranting. Marcia! Marcia! Marcia!--it's really all one word--gee, what is going on in your relationship, with your husband (do you see where I'm going with this?) that is contributing to your feelings of being trapped and having no freedom. Why do you feel that is being taken from you? I'm assuming you willfully got engaged, walked down the aisle, said "I do/I will/I love", threw your garter, drank champagne, ate cake, smiled a lot, got tired, and eventually fell into a blissful sleep beside your new spouse-for-life. So, what's changed? Is he a control freak? Do you have a bit of a committment problem? And this several-months-ago-man-that-you-do-not-love, forget him--he is just a distraction you have conveniently concocted so that you do not have to deal with the unpleasantness of your homelife.
Marcia! Marcia! Marcia! it's time to reach deep inside yourself and find the adult within. Summon her to the fore and deal deal deal with the situation at hand. I'm thinking the two's of you's could use a good shrink. At the very least sit down mug-to-mug and TALK about what's going on. What do you think of that novel idea?
The short answer: You wrote, "it is impossible for me, I think, to be with somebody *and* be happy in the same time." I say, "Think again sweet thing or apply for asylum on planet Xenon where you can be totally alone and totally happy."
Lovingly and logically yours, Laurie