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Q: Dear Laurie, Okay, so I've been wondering this: what is the best way to french kiss a guy? Sincerely, a confused girl
A: Confused Girl, you are to be commended for your inquiry. If only more people of kissing age showed equal concern for proper technique. While personal preference plays a big role in giving and receiving good lip, there are a few kissing do's and don'ts:
1. DON'T be the tongue that ate New York. Lips protect the entrance of your mouth for a reason. They keep a check on what's buzzing around, what should go in and, more importantly, what should stay out. Should a heat-seeking tongue missile knock directly on your lip's door I advise you to flatly deny entry.
You know how when you're about to go swimming you test the water by dipping your toe in the pool? Same idea with "french" kissing. Start with a little lip-only kissing and then take your tongue and gently, quickly dip it in the pool. Typically your partner will then dip his or her tongue in your pool. "Oh, the water's fine?" Jump in for a short swim. Then, jump back out. Towel off. Hot again? Dive back in, a little deeper. Get refreshed! Go to the bottom. Rest on the side. Practice your flutter kick. Try a little water ballet. The possibilities are limitless.
2. DO initially keep your lips together. Just as you sit in a dress with your knees touching (unless you're doing the hoecake shuffle) so too do you begin a kissing session with your lips together. It's less expectant. Less come and get me. Less desperate. During warm-up, it's easy to get lost in a full-on, total open mouth. Also the physical tension, i.e. lip muscle pressing on another's lips, feels pretty gosh darn good and also sort of gives you an outline to follow. Of course, once things get going, lips, among other things, will open up...
3. DON'T be a spitty slob. There are not many worse things on this earth than kissing a drooler. Dance cards get very empty very fast if you can't keep your spit to yourself. What to do? I can't exactly describe it, but spit management is akin to the suction device that dentists use to keep saliva levels under control. Using your tongue, sweep excess accumulation to the back where the throat gnome takes over by signaling the esophagus troll to swallow. The swallow flunky then notifies the stomach wombat that a delivery is coming.
4. DO take a breather. Kissing is an ebb and flow thing (see: "jump in, jump out" #1). When developing an all-around strategic kissing plan upper-body parts like the neck, earlobes, collarbone, eyelids should be considered. And, of course, there are many other sensual body parts that require kissing to grow big and strong but that's probably best left for LoveLogic Kissing part Deux...
5. DON'T expect a bad kisser to be any different (i.e. better) in bed. Just as handholding is the prelude to a kiss, kissing is the prelude to a whole lot more. If someone's a bad kisser, you can bet your bottom dollar they'll suck (or be equally unsatisfying) in every other department. Could I be wrong? Sure. Am I? No.
The Short Answer: Kissing...ahhh, mmm, ohhh! Nothing better than a long make-out session with a great kisser. And most of my girlfriends agree. "Does he give good lip is" is high on the list when evaluating a potential mate, temporary or otherwise. If you're passionate and interested chances are you will kiss well, but unless someone tells you how do you know? If you have courage you can always ask your kissmate. Or maybe you have a few suggestions yourself. Whether giving or receiving, be kind and compassionate. So, kiss early, kiss often, and above all: practice, practice, practice :)
Lovingly and logically yours, Laurie