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Ask Laurie

Q: Hey Laurie!

I really like this guy that I met on the internet. We live too far away from each other. We talk to each other almost everyday and he sends me a lot of sweet poems talking about love. Is this normal? Am I weird for liking someone I haven't even seen?

Signed, Love struck

A: Dear Struck,

Sure, it's normal--if your address is FantasyLand, USA (directions: go to sleep, take a right and it's about a mile down past the bridge on your left.) Internet relationships are fantasy galore with very little reality on the side. What do you really like about this guy? Let's say you like the little you know about him. CORRECTION: let's say you like the little he's TOLD you about himself because you really KNOW nothing. People can tell you all they like but until you experience them/see them in action they are little more than words on a screen and that can be very UNreal.

People (women in particular but men included) want to meet the perfect, sweep-me-off-my-feet, I-knew-you-were-out-there-all-along, you-and-me-against-the-world mate. They want to have eight "oh my god, you like that too? no way" experiences in the first couple weeks followed by five "wow, he knows so much/has so much to teach me" gyrations in the next two. And you've never even seen the guy!!! While a picture can be worth a thousand words, rarely does a 2-D representation have much to do with the actual 3-D (and even rarer is the chubby, bald sweetie who's going to post his most current photo...but from the sound of it you're not at the age where they're balding or growing facial hair...)

In other words, there are a LOT of gaps when exploring someone in cyber flesh. I've heard stories about women who painstakingly type and re-type response notes to online dates and then clear these pseudo-spontaneous messages with girlfriends before hitting "send." What's this poor, nerve-wracked woman to do when she finally gets face-to-face with Mr. How Do You Do? Sucks to be real, huh?

You all talk to each other almost everyday and he sends you a lot of sweet poems talking about love. You've got to ask yourself why a guy would be content writing to a woman who lives too far away. Either he is dating someone else and using the internet as a distraction for god knows what reason or he doesn't have the social skills to do this thing live.

Are you weird for liking someone you haven't even seen? No, not at all. But you do sound a little naïve (I think the euphemistic word we use for that these days is "romantic".) You're not weird but you are living in dream world and are doing the Projection Hustle 24/7. Not to be the world's biggest party pooper but you are, for the most part, taking all the White Knight stories your mom read to you as a child and laying them on top of your Mystery Date (Is he a dream?! Or a dud!?). Besides, you said he lives in East Bumble Fuck so how are you planning on taking this keyboard romance to the next level anyway? In my (fabulous) opinion, if you wanted to be in a real-live relationship you'd have picked someone more geographically desirable in the first place. I'm thinking you're pretty young, not terribly experienced and that maybe this is a great, safe way to play around with this stuff.

We've got the fantasy angle covered. Now onto chemistry! I just had this conversation last night with a guy at a party. The guy knew a woman who had been corresponding for three months via e-mail with a man she'd met on the internet. Finally, they met face to face and BOOM, just like that, it was over--there's a lot to be said for in-the-fleah chemistry and, off the keyboard, these two didn't have it. If you want to be in a real relationship with a real person you've got to meet in the real world, not the cyber one. That will always be true and thank god for that.

The Short Answer: No, you're not weird for wanting to think you have met the man of your dreams through your keyboard. And maybe if you're one of the lucky few, you have.

Lovingly and Logically yours, Laurie