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Q: Dear Laurie: My boyfriend and I had anal sex a few weeks ago. He'd been bugging me to try it for the longest time and, since I'd been a little curious too, we did it. As far as I'm concerned it was okay, but not worth repeating. My boyfriend, on the other hand, loved it and keeps asking when we can do it again. I love him, but to be honest, I'm getting a little tired of him pestering me. Help!

Signed: Sorry he assed.

A: Dear Sorry Ass:

Oh, it's Adam and Eve all over again, isn't it folks? A "bite" of that damn forbidden fruit and the end of paradise. Well, while there's no apple in this story per se, but I'm confident there's a "fruit" here somewhere...

When it comes to sex and men the following three words sum it up best if I'm not mistaken: Diameter. Diameter. Diameter. Men like a tight spot in which to park their Humvee. Not so tight a space that you risk marring the paint job or denting a door, but tight enough so there's not a lot of wasted space. I mean if you're looking to build an extra garage out back, why build it significantly larger than the car going in when the one in front already has a little extra head room?

Now that we've shed some light on the appeal of where the sun don't shine we must ask ourselves a key question: why would a guy continually want to park out back when there's a perfectly good parking space in front? Well, we could go back to that space idea. I mean we did say it was a better fit, right? Yeah, but it's not so much of a better fit that you'd want to give up front parking entirely. My theory is that you park your car in the rear because the garage model you prefer, the model you choose, doesn't come with an upfront parking option...period.

As my friend Mark would say, "Someone ain't playing for the right team." In other words, when a supposedly straight man shows a strong preference for repeated rear parking privileges he's probably not so straight. Which is fine unless, of course, this not-so-straight man is dating a rather straight woman. Yes, Virginia, there is a...gay man in your closet.

As you all know, I am a big proponent of experimentation in the bedroom but with one golden-rule caveat: that both parties sign on for the same E-ticket rides together or it's a no go. Virginia and her boyfriend willingly surfed the badlands once, but when the wave brought them back to shore instead of eagerly paddling out again Virginia decided to lay out on her towel and catch some rays. And I don't get the sense that she wanted to watch while her boyfriend paddled out again on his own...

The Short Answer: Virginia, you and your surfing buddy should talk about this incident together. Use my metaphors if you like. Draw a picture. If your pal is questioning his gender preference, as I suspect, try and remember it's not a comment on your femininity or lack thereof. It's about his stuff (and where he likes to stuff it.) Many gay men enjoy sex with women; they just enjoy it more with men. Assuming this is your first go round with dating a closet gay have the courage to seek the truth--it's out there.

Lovingly and Logically yours, Laurie